Identifying and clarifying our needs can be easier said than done. However, some beneficial insights can be made with a little time and introspection. We all know the basic needs, right? Sleep, food, water, safety, etc. In everyday life, saying yes to the stuff that feeds our soul, supports us, and makes life worth living, as well as saying no to the things that deplete our energy and increase our feelings of overwhelm, can be tricky to discern sometimes. The following exercise can help identify, clarify, and illuminate our core needs beyond the basics.
This activity is great for when we’re starting something new, like the start of a new year, starting a new job, or moving apartments. This activity can be as simple as jotting down the info in a journal, or as involved as drawing/painting/collage as a visual reminder of the introspection we’ve engaged in.
Think about the following areas of your life: mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual – or create your own categories, whatever speaks to you. Now ask yourself the following questions:
1. How do I feel about how I’m currently taking care of myself?
2. Where do I feel fulfilled (in the different categories I’ve picked or created)?
3. Where do I feel empty or starved (in the different categories I’ve picked or created)?
4. Where would I like to invest my time and energy (both of which are finite; i.e., precious resources)?
5. What are the top three activities that bring me calm? How can I incorporate them into my weekend, week, or month?
6. What are the top three activities that bring me joy? How can I incorporate them into my weekend, week, or month?
7. What activities, beliefs, and behaviors am I saying yes to that I’d actually like to let go?
8. What activities, beliefs, and behaviors am I saying no to that I’d actually like to adopt?
9. What boundaries do I need to set to protect my time and myself?
10. At the end of each day what do I wish I had done? (This question isn’t about being more “efficient” or “productive.” Rather, it’s about the fun, fulfilling, interesting, meaningful, awe-inspiring, wonderful things you wish you got a chance to do.)
Now that you’ve identified and clarified your needs, what’s next? Of course, this activity is useful as it is. However, engaging in regular therapy can help further the benefits from this activity in a few ways:
- Setting healthy boundaries – for those times when we want to say no to someone, but are unsure of how to do so without offending them.
- Identifying support systems – for those times when we want to say yes to something, but are timid about asking for help.
- Learning new insights about how identifying, clarifying, and honoring our needs can create greater satisfaction in life.
- Exploring and overcoming the obstacles that come up when you try to say yes, no, or make these or any other changes in your life.
Go ahead, try this activity, and see how your life begins to flourish when your needs are met!
Shawn Shannon-Missal, LCAT-P is provisionally licensed in New York State as a creative arts therapist. They have a degree in creative arts therapy from PennWest/Edinboro University. She has been practicing art-based psychotherapy since 2024 and currently see clients at Spotted Rabbit’s Pittsford, NY studio.
Shawn specializes in working with youth and adults experiencing life transitions and complex trauma. She has personal and professional experience with making mid-life career change.